i just google imaged poop.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize