i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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