Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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