I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
