He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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