Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
