Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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