It's Friday. Sex?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
