My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
