our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
