allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
