is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
