420 ftw
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
