I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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