You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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