He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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