Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
