Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
