I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
