i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
