i barfeds in our rink
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
