There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
