My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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