Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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