i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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