Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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