my being single is dangerous.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
