Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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