Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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