I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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