yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
