i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
porn star boner night. come get it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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