he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
