I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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