You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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