Four minutes until I can fart!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
