remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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