too bad you live with your parents still
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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