Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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