Do you still have your period?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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