Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
