also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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