He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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