His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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