Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
