What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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