she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
