I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
