Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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