Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
