you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How does one acquire holy water?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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