Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
