Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
