I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
