do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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