Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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