we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
