I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
