I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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