Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just pee around me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
