You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
