let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
