you traded sex for a burrito?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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