dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
