why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
