You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
