Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
