Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
