he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
