dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
