You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
