my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
