Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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