I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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