once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
