I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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