Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
