put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
