There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
