your room smells of hookers.
And success
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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