mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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