She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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