if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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