I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
