I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
