I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
