well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
